The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
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