she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
