you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
