I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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