Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
