You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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