too bad you live with your parents still
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
