A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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