oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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