Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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