did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I can't put those talents on a resume
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
