if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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