I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
