Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
