I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
two words...techno handjob
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
