I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
