his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
