Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I just found puke in my bra..
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
