Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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