turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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