I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
