Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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