The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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