I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
