I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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