I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
