just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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