some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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