Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Randomize
