I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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