it's not cheating when I paid for it
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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