Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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