i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
