oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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