All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
is wine microwaveable?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
