Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
