if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
