Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
