I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Small penises have feelings too.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
