nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
