i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
