my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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