Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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