Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Vodka?
Forever.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
