He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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