i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
