We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
