come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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