$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
