I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
