you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
