I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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