I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Pants are for mortals
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