I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
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