Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I forget how to act sober
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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