you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
ttyl tear gas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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