i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
