so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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