Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Randomize
