Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping