i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
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She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
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Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
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