I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I could fuck to npr.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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