Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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