we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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