6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Randomize