can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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