Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
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